This has been my biggest challenge in married life. Being married to someone who is “married to their work” has taken a toll and I know if it were not for my “faith” our marriage would not have survived! God had been my rock! Some people turn to alcohol and other things but I go to my best friend and share my heart to Him. He has given me strength to keep going, comfort when I am lonely, and lent his listening ear anytime I needed Him (which has been many!)
The first six years we were married I had support from my family being close. When I was lonely I would just go to mom’s house and hang out or visit with my husbands parents (who I love dearly). The first six years had there challenges simply because I was young in the Lord and I had a lot of growing to do.
At first I blamed his workaholism on his industry. He worked a few different jobs in the same line of work and when he was leaving one of his jobs he blamed the reason he was leaving on “me” because I was upset that he worked so much! I didn’t care that he blamed me I was just tired of him putting in 80-90 hours a week with a salary pay.
Then I realized that the “root” of his work had a lot to do with his industry but he also went above and beyond because of “FEAR”. He struggled immensely with “FEAR” that if he didn’t work like a mad man than his family could go without our needs being met. This “lack of trust” or “fear” drove him to put work first.
We relocated our family to a small town hoping this change would make things better. Living in the small town was exciting and became a new adventure! His hours weren’t too bad at first but it didn’t take long until every weekend I was home alone again. This time I didn’t have any family to go to, just me and our kids. Our family grew to five children who we adore but I knew something had to give before I lost my mind!
So is he around much? He is now because I think I prayed him out of the demanding industry he worked in the last 16 years and that he would exchange his “fear” for “faith”. It didn’t happen overnight but I BELIEVED things would change and that God would restore our family’s lost time. Things have finally starting to change and we are enjoying the time we now get as a married couple and family!
So… how did I survive?
1) I prayed… a lot! I prayed for him, for our family, for hope for a future.
2) I cried… I have cried many tears of being lonely, depressed, or disappointed.
3) I am understanding… I try to understand my husband’s stresses and demands so I can talk his language.
4) I have a few fantastic friends. They have listened and supported me over the years.
5) I help others… I am an encourager and I can find the smallest speck of light in darkness.
6) I choose to be joyful.
7) I am patient.
8) I get around other ladies weekly! This gives me grown up time and keeps me encouraged.
9) I am forgiving! I try not to become angry or resentful.
10) I have hope! I hope that one day my husband will have balance and not miss out on his growing family.
11) I love… I love my family and my husband and I choose to love him.
12) I keep going with life and decided to not “wait on him” to live!
13) I worship… when I worship the day to day stresses lift from my shoulders.
14) I use essential oils. They are wonderful and they have helped me tremendously!
15) I drink hot tea, it’s my thing!
16) I am determined, determined that this won’t end my marriage!
17) I have a few other people pray for us. I know I am not alone!
18) I believed. I didn’t care how long I had to wait I believed that God would restore the lost time!
19) I focus on the good! Did I say I am an encourager?
20) I write. What your reading, it’s my therapy!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)